I wanna bring you to show and tell
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
