her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
