I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
