I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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