is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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