Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
