I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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