if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
