I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
