the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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