I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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