6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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