i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
