where does the pee come out of this thing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
