Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
