i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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