They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
