The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
