didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
