I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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