i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
