it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
