Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
