im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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