I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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