so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
