I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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