Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
