i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
