It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
