He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
