She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
