he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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