Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
