I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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