I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need to calm my uterus...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
