Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
