9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
