My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
