Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My feet surprised me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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