As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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