puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
