I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I died a long time ago.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
