I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
