Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
