Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
