I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
