If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
