I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
