I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
