His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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