If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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