The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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