You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
