I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
